When I was trying to conceive and was diagnosed with unexplained infertility lots of not-so-positive thoughts went through my mind. Things like “I’m a failure. I can’t even get pregnant!” “What’s wrong with me?”and “My body is broken” were common occurrences. There were moments when these thoughts didn’t take over, but they were few and far between. Much of my existence was replaying things over and over in my head.
It happens that on average we humans have between 50,000 and 70,000 thoughts per day and roughly 95% of these are thoughts we’ve had before. No wonder it felt like there was a broken record player in my mind. It was my work with the late Walter Makichen that ultimately helped me to realize that my thoughts were jeopardizing my full ability to do what I could on my fertility journey. Everything is energy, including our thoughts. Unbeknownst to me, my less-than-positive mindset was creating blocks to the very family I so very much wanted. Walter taught me how powerful our thoughts can be and how with small changes, we can make a world of difference from an energetic perspective. With a positive mindset there are many more opportunities for miracles to ensue.
Here are five tips to help you foster a positive mindset for fertility and beyond.
- Use the river technique – Any time you think a negative thought, throw it into an imaginary river that’s at least five feet in front of you. If the thought comes back, throw it in again. If it comes back a third time, I invite you to journal about the thought, as it is trying to get your attention and share some sort of wisdom with you.
- List three things you’re grateful for each day – People who have a daily gratitude practice report feeling more joy and tend to feel less alone and isolated.
- Make a list of the TV shows, movies, magazines, Internet sites and other media you watch and read. Do this for all of the people you interact with each day as well. Next to each item write how it makes you feel. Do you feel happy after you watch the 11 o’clock news? Do you feel empowered after spending time on Facebook or with your co-worker? If the media or people you’re engaging with don’t leave you with a positive emotion, this is good information. You can choose to continue with these habits knowing that you probably won’t feel great or you can choose to engage with things and people that leave you feeling more uplifted.
- Give yourself permission to do things that make you feel good – This might sound obvious, but it’s amazing how many of us continue to do things even though they don’t make us feel good.
- Talk with a trusted friend or professional – Being heard is important when you’re going through the fertility process. So often those of us who go through infertility can feel alone and this can intensify a negative mindset. Finding a trusted person with a positive outlook who can hear what you have to say and who does not judge or blame you can be very healing. Recently, when I was having one of those time periods when a negative mindset rolls into town and becomes a guest in my head, it was a dear friend who reminded me of a few things and that did the trick. The guest in my head left town quickly!
In the comments below, let me know how you like to foster a positive mindset.
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