In honor of bringing more light to this often under-talked-about topic, I wanted to share a note to readers that I wrote on the topic of infertility.
“My journey with infertility challenged me to my core. There were times when I wanted someone to magically fix things. There were times when I was in tremendous emotional pain and wanted to be understood and heard. There were times when I wanted to shake my fist and curse God—and I did. And there were times when I didn’t know if I wanted to live. I felt like I was walking around in a world that no one knew existed. Inflicting the worst heartache I’d ever felt, infertility ultimately led to my divorce.
A myriad of emotions surfaced during this time—feelings of anger and sadness, desperation and shame, feelings of being punished, left out and hollow, and, worst of all, of being betrayed by a higher power. It felt like I was battling a war and I was mourning the death of a dream; the dream of the family that I envisioned.
One thing I wish I had had when I went through infertility was someone who understood my process. It was hard to find others who could relate to my situation, who were able to offer some semblance of hope and support.
I realize that this is probably one of the most sensitive subjects that you have ever personally dealt with. I would like to offer you companionship on your journey, a journey which I know is not easy. I want you to know that you are not alone.
No matter where the path of infertility takes you, in the strangest way, it is always an invitation to extraordinary growth. I know that this was true for my own journey. Infertility was begging me to make some changes with how I was in the world. I needed to open some doors that I was desperately trying to keep shut, and my struggle is what ultimately gave me the tools to break through.
If you look at the word infertile with all of its letters – I N F E R T I L E – you will find many other words inside, including R E F I N E. Infertility is an invitation to an inner transformation, a journey of personal growth. It is not about something being wrong or not working. It is about refinement.
I invite you to this opportunity to refine what is.”
With love,
Nancy
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