Maybe you’ve heard of “unexplained secondary infertility.” It’s a term that some people, like me, have had the opportunity to get to know through the Western medical establishment. It’s not a sexy term by any means. Rather, it tends to be a term that creates a lot of guilt, shame, jealousy and blame.
Unexplained secondary infertility is a term that’s used when you already have one or more children and you want to have more, but for some unknown reason you’re not able to conceive or carry another child to term. It’s certainly an uncomfortable dilemma to be in. At least it was for me.
When my partner and I were ready to have children it happened right away. I got pregnant, stayed pregnant and was able to birth a healthy, baby girl. When our daughter was one year old we decided to try for our second child and I got pregnant right away, but then miscarried. It was a downward spiral from that point on. Even though I had gotten pregnant and birthed a healthy child before, I was not able to get pregnant again no matter what we tried. Working with a reproductive endocrinologist to make sure everything was in order with my partner and me, which it was, I was diagnosed with unexplained secondary infertility.
So many emotions arose during this time. I cried a lot. I felt alone. I did not know anyone else who was going through the same predicament. It felt like no one understood. Life seemed so unfair.
I was extremely jealous of the other moms who were having their second and even third child. It was so hard to be around them, with their toddlers and babies in tow. There was a lot of shame and guilt around this, as I knew I was lucky to already have one child. So many people have a challenging time conceiving and carrying to term any children.
I needed to grieve the fact that I was not able to bring in another child, yet I also needed to be there for my daughter. At times it felt like I had to stuff my feelings so that I could attend to the needs of my daughter. One of the biggest obstacles for me was the guilt I felt around not being able to be as present as I would have liked for my daughter when she was young, due to my preoccupation with having another child. I would have wished that the angst and anguish that I experienced around having a second child were not a part of our life while she was growing up.
There were times when I blamed my body for not doing what I wanted it to. I felt that my body had let me down. I don’t know if I said anything positive about my body for quite a while. At some point this changed because I knew the negativity was not good for me or my daughter. I was my daughter’s main role model and did what I could to remember this.
I knew that it was time to change my outlook and energy medicine helped to spearhead many of those changes. Working with Walter Makichen was at the top of this list. Walter taught me that everything was energy, including my thoughts and the words I used. He also reminded me that my daughter was in tune with my energy. This was great motivation to change my behavior.
It was after my struggle with unexplained secondary infertility that I started to meet other women in the same predicament. I wanted to help support as many women as I could going through this challenging life experience.
Having gone through unexplained secondary infertility is one of the ways that clients find me. When you’re going through this difficulty and you feel like no one understands, it can be helpful to find a trusted person who has been there too.
To find out more about my one-on-one services and to schedule a session, click here.
Sending lots of healing thoughts to all the mothers out there going through unexplained secondary infertility. Hang in there!
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