I recently received an email from Janice in the UK asking the following: “How can potential mums balance desire and expectation, planning as if the baby is already here, with the possibility of loss? The greater the expectation, the harder it is to cope if the baby does not develop to term.”
In a nutshell, the answer to this question, at least in part, has to do with expectations. From an energy medicine perspective, expectations hold a lot of energy and there’s an element of control with each expectation we have. The analogy I like to use is a clenched fist. When we expect something to happen – like when we expect that we will be mothers and birth biological children, then we’re grasping on to the outcome like a clenched fist would grasp on to whatever it wants to desperately hold. When we so badly want to hold on to something, we limit what can come in to our life. When we lessen this clenching and our fist begins to relax, there is more room for things to come in – often unexpected things, things we never would have dreamed of! Maybe it’s a child. Maybe it’s something else.
In our culture, we’re conditioned to come from a place of expectation. We’re taught that if we work hard enough we’ll get whatever we want. This is the realm of masculine energy. Masculine energy is more active while feminine energy is more receptive in nature. When you want to bring in a baby – or just about anything for that matter – there’s an element of feminine energy that needs to be involved.
We all have feminine energy and we all have masculine energy and we need both types of energies for a balanced life. From a cultural level, feminine energy has a lot to do with nurturing and multi-tasking and masculine energy has to do a lot with safety, being a provider and survival. It comes down to how we choose to utilize these energies. When it comes to creating life – and lots of other things, feminine energy is key. Learning to turn inward, to nurture your intuition, to get to know yourself, to love yourself, to be open to receiving are all keys to connecting with your feminine energy. There’s nothing about controlling the outcome. The outcome often looks different than what’s expected. I encourage you to let go of what I like to call perfect pictures; what you expect the path and outcome to look like. Let go of trying to control the way things transpire. This will shift your energy in amazing ways.
When one is on their spiritual path, working with expectations and control is something that we do. When we expect something to happen, it limits choice. When we are open to the possibility of something happening and do not hold onto “THIS MUST HAPPEN MY WAY” energy, then the control is lessened or gone. The interesting part of this is that roughly five percent of our brain is conscious and the other 95 percent is unconscious. We may think that we let go of our expectations on a conscious level, yet our unconscious brain may still be holding on. This is the work! Bringing to light the unconscious expectations and letting them go so that you can allow more choice and flow.
How can you start to uncover the often-unconscious expectations and let them go? Here’s one tool to try. Whenever you find yourself holding on to an idea or thought, I invite you to take a moment and feel into where you experience this in your body. Literally, close your eyes and breath into the space where the holding resides. Perhaps it’s in your chest or stomach. Perhaps you feel a twitch in your eye or maybe the holding energy is everywhere. Be with it. Give it some space without pushing it away. Keep sending your breath to this area of your body until you notice a release. Acknowledging this expectation energy from a place of compassion and forgiveness and breathing into this expectation energy can shift the energy in amazing ways.
What expectations are you ready to let go of? Let me know in the comments below.
If you find that you want assistance uncovering your unconscious expectations, I encourage you to find a trusted therapist or energy practitioner trained to help uncover the unconscious things that often rob us of our vitality. My courses and one-on-one sessions do just this. You can find out more here.
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