Ever heard a parent scold her or his child for eating? Did you react with compassion? I recently read a post on Facebook and wanted to share some thoughts with you.

The post said something like…

”I just overheard a mom chastise her 7-year-old daughter for eating more than half of the chicken nuggets in her kid’s meal. “It’s almost swimsuit season. You don’t want your tummy pooching out of your bikini, do you?” What has the world come to?”

The responses to this post were along the lines of, “Someone should smack this woman!”

While there was a part of me that wanted to scold this woman for scolding her daughter, I knew that this was not the way to invoke positive change. Instead, I took a deep breath and tried to put myself in this mom’s shoes. To me this woman was most likely tapping into her own fears about weight and transferring them to her daughter, most likely unconsciously. I don’t think most of us want to chastise our children, or anyone else for that matter, if we know that it will hurt them. (If you do want to hurt others through your words, this is good information and a place for you to look deeper.) Perhaps what this woman needed more than anything was some compassion and information.

“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” 

Albert Einstein

Since I was not at McDonald’s when this incident happened, I’m not exactly sure what I would have done. However, there are a number of ways that I might have addressed this situation. Perhaps I would have tried to strike up a conversation with the two of them to see their views of how food fuels our body. In an inquisitive manner, I might have asked the daughter how she felt when her mother said the comment about her eating too much and her “tummy pooching out.” I might have asked the mother if she was aware of how her words could affect her daughter’s self-esteem. Maybe I would not have said anything (which I’m sure I would have chosen if my safety felt compromised). If my daughters were with me and overheard this conversation, we would have talked about it on our own.

It takes courage not to fight back when we hear things that trigger us. It takes courage to be vulnerable and speak up in positive ways for those who are the targets of unconscious behaviors, including ourselves.

The next time someone says something that triggers your “fight back” response, I encourage you to try some or all of the following.

Take a deep breath – or several!
If you can, walk away from the situation for a while till you feel calmer (e.g., If you receive an email that makes you writhe.).
Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. (I find this to be a great way to stay out of judgment about another person.)
Ask yourself if being triggered and angry is the best use of your energy in the moment. (The answer might be yes! Anger can be a great motivator for change.)
If you want to fight back, ask yourself if it will be worth it in 10 days. How about in 10 months? What about in 10 years? Will fighting back now, be worth it in the long run?
If you feel that you can approach the situation in a non-triggered manner and with compassion, let the person know how what they said made you feel. You can also ask clarifying questions to get a better idea of where the other person is coming from.
There is something to learn from each interaction if we’re open to it. For me, this interaction with the Facebook post reminded me of the power of words. We always have a choice to come from a place of callousness or compassion. Which do you choose?

Leave a comment below and let me know how the power of words affects you.

Please share this post. It’s with awareness – of how words can hurt or heal – that we can choose our words more thoughtfully.