The women in my family of origin had fears around giving birth. Add to this the numerous stories I heard about not-so-great birthing experiences. “It’s painful! Take the drugs! You’ll need an epidural! Just get a C-section.” No wonder I was determined to do what I could to make birthing my babies an experience that I didn’t loath.
How I wanted to birth my children was a very conscious decision for me. I knew that I was born via C-section and I wanted to do what I could to avoid that for my children. In addition, I knew that it was important to me to birth my children in a hospital, as my mom died in a hospital many years before. I wanted to bring in life where life was taken from me as a child.
The first thing I chose to do was look at my fears around birth and the birthing process. It was time to shift the energy. In order to have the type of birth that I envisioned, I had to work through these blocks. Some of the questions I delved into included: Where did these fears around birth originate? Why was I allowing them to have such a hold on me? What could I do to let these fears go and get the energy moving? I discovered that many of the women in my family had fears around the birthing process. I decided then and there that I was not going to continue this legacy. It was time to pave my own path on my way to motherhood. Another fear I had was of having a C-section. I knew that this stemmed from when I was born. It was important to look at the energy I held around the C-section process and to allow it space. I wanted to let go of the fear around this process so that other opportunities for how I wanted to birth my children could have room to be there. Another fear I had was about being in a hospital. My experience of hospitals included my mom dying in a hospital when I was 10 years old. It was time to let go of this heavy energy and to bring in a newer and lighter energy around hospitals. Working through my fears was a big part of my birthing plan. I wanted to enter the birthing process without this excess baggage – some passed down to me and some accumulated through my life experiences.
Another important component to birthing my children included my in utero conversations with them. This was huge! I encourage everyone to talk with their children in utero. One topic of conversation was the pros and cons of different tools and techniques to birthing a baby. This included the pros and cons – for both my children and me – of being born via C-section, of having an epidural, of having a natural birth, of birthing a baby while in a supine position, of birthing a baby while standing, etc. My older daughter’s estimated date of arrival was around the time I was finishing a semester in graduate school. I spoke with her about the fact that I would be more present and able to focus my full attention on her if she arrived after I completed all of my finals and turned in my papers. She arrived three days after the semester ended. My younger daughter was threatening to arrive early. From roughly 20 weeks onward, I had conversations with her about complications that could arise from arriving early and why it was helpful if she stayed in till closer to her estimated date of arrival. She arrived at 41 weeks.
The third thing that I did that ended up being extremely important was having support before and during the birthing process. I had assistance from a birth doula who taught me about the different options of birthing a baby. She met me at my home and accompanied me to the hospital for both of my births and advocated for me during each process. In addition, my partner did a good deal of advocating for me during my first birth. The nurse desperately wanted me to be still on the gurney, yet I couldn’t be still. I had to stand up! Ultimately, they ended up putting a squat bar over the gurney and I birthed my daughter while standing up.
In the end birthing both of my daughters proved to be beautiful experiences. I did it my way. I’m convinced that much of this occurred since I chose to work through fears relating to birthing babies, I spoke with my children in utero and went in to the birthing experience with support and an open mind. I chose to do what I could to make birthing a baby an empowering experience.
Here are three tips for every woman planning to birth a baby.
- Find out about the birthing experiences of your mother, grandmother, sisters, aunts and others in your family. Include your own birth experience. If there was anything that was traumatic, do what you can to shift this energy in you before you get close to the birth date of your child. Traumas can be passed down through generations. In psychology the term is known as intergenerational transmission of trauma. Unbeknownst to you, you may be carrying stuck energy from your ancestors. It’s great to get this energy moving.
- Talk with your children in utero. This is huge from an energetic perspective. You can talk about the birthing process, your hopes and fears and anything else you desire. This can help align your energies to help the birthing process go more smoothly.
- Have support before and during the birthing process. I encourage you to include on your support team only people who energetically feel good to you and who support your choices and desires to have the type of birth you want. If there’s anyone who wants to control the way you birth your baby, I invite you to have them outside of your birthing space. This will help keep the energy at a level that’s good for you and your baby.
Birthing a baby can be a wonderful experience. I know both of my births were. I encourage you to do what you can to empower yourself on your way to motherhood.
In the comments below, let me know how you’re preparing for the birth process – and if you already have children, share below what helped you prepare for the birth process.
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